The Beginning

I am beginning my new blog tonight. My focus has shifted. My physical condition is strengthening by the week now. I have control over my body that I wasn't convinced I'd find again. I experience glimmers of confidence and inclining bouts of energy. I have exhausted my brain with questions of purpose, of value. Slowly, I am learning to organize my thoughts and reconsider my paradigm from which I view the world. I am training myself to lead. I will be challenging myself and developing my mind and sense of control. From this point on, I will be exploring the depths and layers of myself that I have neglected. I will no longer be the portrait of an individual with little value to offer. I am much, much more than what I have presented myself to be to others and to myself.

My name is Amanda Luecht. This blog is my own, and is not meant to be read by another. I have come to a crossroad and have decided to document every detail of my journey from the present moment into the future for personal analytical purposes. Writing delivers a sense of peace and few activities can equate. Peace is one value that my self re-creation is meant to bring. There are many character weaknesses I hope to strengthen, and many conclusions I'm ready to make. This blog will be a collection of theories, assessments, challenges, projects, analyses, and philosophies that I will work to develop and strengthen over time. These ventures will directly apply to my life, but I dig to find universal truth to solidify their value in my mind.

It is 3:24 a.m. on April 13, 2012. Friday the 13th. The date chosen to begin was a coincidence, however it is seen by me as a delightful surprise, a sort of metaphor for my lust for contradiction. It is quiet now, and dark, and I am nestled in the corner of my boyfriend's old couch. I allow myself the time I need to drift off into thought. My eyes observe the stark contrast of the warm lamplight and the moody spaces of almost-black. I am present in these moments of stillness, far more than I could be during broad daylight in a public place. This is how I can connect with myself. I generally feel trapped within the confounds of my own whirling mind and not enlightened in the least. I desperately want to find a way to live day in and day out celebrating my mind and not sheltering it. I just have to find a way to do it intellegently and without fail. Tonight, as I lie in bed, I will cleanse myself of burden and negative energy. I will wake in the morning and consciously foresee the productive day ahead and the reward of a peaceful evening of writing. My journey is just beginning. I will keep moving ahead in every way and I will not look back.