Communicate an Argument

Expression is crucial to living a fulfilling life. One cannot expect to gain anything if all communication is indirectly implied. If my thoughts be hushed, yours should be too. If you have nothing to speak of, that you are assured in your own logic, and my voice cannot be heard over your defenses, there is no space for you or I to grow.

Besides Proposition 8 and every other issue people get heated about, it seems many of us need to learn to communicate an argument in our personal lives. There are those who intend to stay silent until they are confident enough to speak, which is smart, but also unfortunately may be too late. On the opposite end, emotional speakers will be ready for responses, assuming the choosers, like them, will hit their point without the pauses to carefully assess their words. And of course, when that doesn't happen, much can be assumed by silence. But how about those who measure their sentences for the best possible display of words to benefit their argument- true or false- for the upper hand in the moment. They will never win if their opponent is intelligent enough to recognize the game.

 

Optimism

People often assume I don't notice the evil in other people. Especially now. Truth is, I am far from ignorant. I simply believe people shouldn't chain themselves by one of human nature's most vile concepts, the concept of bitter judgment. I am not optimostic in practice, I have grown optimistic in peace and understanding. Everywhere we go, we are force-fed neagtive ideas on how little empathy we can afford to offer our peers. For the most part, society raises children to adhere to considerably strict rules to often trivial matters. This in itself isn't a problem, this is simply being observant and objective. However, we apply these ideas in a way that doesn't conform US but rather attempts to conform THEM. There is a little evil in everyone, but there is a varying application of inner evil that can be perceived from person to person. If an inexperienced or lazy individual was to try to become "pure," so to speak, they might abandon character ethic for personality ethic because personality ethic SHOWS more at the beginning. If another person with a higher level of human understanding might try to become "pure," they might begin with character ethic in mind because this is the only way to REVEAL more. I see myself critical of thoughts, my own feelings, and many workings of life that need to be put in place. But outwardly and loosely judging other people in their impulses can never satisfy my taste for critical observation. It is a small minded thing to do, so I've consistantly fought the urge until the urge whittled away. Live and let live (Catherine Maria Sedgewick). Don't chain your mind to the hallway while waiting for your door to open.

Trust and Friendship

"To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved." - George MacDonald, religeous author

There is nothing that twists my insides more than not knowing whether to fully trust an individual. That statement alone should offer insight as to what kind of person I am. I have been through short bouts of trust reserved phases after childhood misunderstandings and disorienting experiences with people. Fortunately, these phases haven't permanently molded me into a bitter person. Unfortunately, I have learned that it is part of my character to bouce right back into optimist euphoria and at times, edging on ignorance once again by letting people treat me how they may. As I've mentioned before, I am fond of contradiction. I am tolerant of it because all things are complex and contradiction simply means the issue at hand needs to be studied more to understand the point that's being missed. The point being missed in this scenario is that one of my characteristics is to forgive and forget. I shouldn't forget. I allow myself to forget when my trust has been taken for granted, therefore it happens again and again.

Truth Most of Us Can Agree With: Abstraction

It is a Monday evening and I have had yet another quiet day of catching up on rest. Rest, the villian of anxious youth. Excessive rest I would not need if I were of average health for my age. But what is average? STOP. Resist the urge to roll the eyes. In my everyday thoughts, I avoid these annoying questions that pop up every now and then. These over-simplified "philosophical" questions are often used to prove dementional thinking rather than challenge for the sake of discovery. Conversations beginning with these questions are often cluttered battles of perception that end in frustration. These questions are often so broad that they seem to be grounds for an interesting arguement that could eventually reveal the meaning of life. However, our time is limited and our human brains cannot possibly explore the extent of these abstract questions, so it's very acceptable to take on an apathetic approach to the arguement. If these questions do arise, I tend to draw lengthy conclusions from every angle so I will reach some intellectual satisfaction from the irritating proposal of a question. Being apathetic to any broad, abstract question translates into a weakly developed mental apetite. In other words, narrow-mindedness.

Abstraction, as an unexplored idea, was simply ANNOYING to me in the past.

Rather Than Building Character, Adversity Tends to Reveal It.

I have always been good with change. Really. I don't know what I would do if my month to month stayed rigid and safe. That's one thing many of us need experience to realize- some things get more difficult and some things get easier, and it's ignorant to think every life is set to naturally become easier with time. In addition, easier does not equal better in every case, and difficulty does not mean bad. My understanding of this concept from early on has guided me against experiencing significant resentment. I don't want easier! I want to take on what is handed to me, because when adversity reveals its beast-like head, I'm faced with an opportunity to take him down cunningly and meticulously. Adversity will never see it coming. I use my own weapon, an intellegent core that has always existed but has few opportunities to present itself in the purest form- strength of character.

I want to live as wisely as possible, and regain control over all my motives. At the state which I currently find myself, I am lost. I want to find such wisdom that I understand all places I may wander.

Awareness

Awareness is the subject that I've had in mind lately. Awareness is something that I will explore again and again. It is something I crave, something that I need to improve in my own life in order to feel satisfied. To acheive one's ultimate "awareness" is to mentally examine and organize ideas- big and small, to comprehend, to be present in every way possible.

I will admit one of my most outstanding flaws is disassociation. My tendency to disassociate myself from the present moment is so frequent that my sense of identity has suffered from a very early age. I'm not quite sure how I developed this personality flaw. I rarely consider it to be a serious issue, therefore I allow it to be excused. I feel as though I watch the world from behind a glass window, and I accept it. At times I feel like my voice is not my own and the words I project have no real purpose but to break the silence. My thoughts race but my actions take time. Since October 2011, my body has been even slower to operate. Happiness begins with energy. Since my energy tank has been severely drained (likely a result of depression, confusion, and physical toll) I am noticing this disssociation every day. I continue to operate myself in a very predictable manner for the most part. My mind fights words like "depression," "frustration," "boredom," and "apathy." Meanwhile, I carry on with a laugh and volunteer the least complex of conversations as to avoid stimulating these words in my mind. This is self control, but this is not the healthiest of self control. This is day in and day out, a consistant battle between mind and reality. From an outside perspective, I am a relatively simple person. I am shy with people I'm unfamiliar with, and I am silly and happy with those who are close. Inside I am experiencing an entirely different situation with my own whirling thoughts. I am not present, and in not being present I am displaying a false presentation of myself and thought processes that are very misaligned with reality.

There are plenty of people who lead complicated lives and lose touch with reality. My focus is to be one of the few who do not.


I Choose…
to live by choice, not by chance;
to make changes, not excuses;
to be motivated, not manipulated;
to be useful, not used;
to excel, not compete;
I choose self-esteem, not self-pity.
I choose to listen to my inner voice
not the random opinion of others
The higher you climb, the more you see.
The more you see, the less you know.
The less you know the more you learn
The more you learn, the higher you climb.
The greater danger for most of us is not that our aim is too high
And we miss it, but it is too low and we reach it. -Author Unknown

The Beginning

I am beginning my new blog tonight. My focus has shifted. My physical condition is strengthening by the week now. I have control over my body that I wasn't convinced I'd find again. I experience glimmers of confidence and inclining bouts of energy. I have exhausted my brain with questions of purpose, of value. Slowly, I am learning to organize my thoughts and reconsider my paradigm from which I view the world. I am training myself to lead. I will be challenging myself and developing my mind and sense of control. From this point on, I will be exploring the depths and layers of myself that I have neglected. I will no longer be the portrait of an individual with little value to offer. I am much, much more than what I have presented myself to be to others and to myself.

My name is Amanda Luecht. This blog is my own, and is not meant to be read by another. I have come to a crossroad and have decided to document every detail of my journey from the present moment into the future for personal analytical purposes. Writing delivers a sense of peace and few activities can equate. Peace is one value that my self re-creation is meant to bring. There are many character weaknesses I hope to strengthen, and many conclusions I'm ready to make. This blog will be a collection of theories, assessments, challenges, projects, analyses, and philosophies that I will work to develop and strengthen over time. These ventures will directly apply to my life, but I dig to find universal truth to solidify their value in my mind.

It is 3:24 a.m. on April 13, 2012. Friday the 13th. The date chosen to begin was a coincidence, however it is seen by me as a delightful surprise, a sort of metaphor for my lust for contradiction. It is quiet now, and dark, and I am nestled in the corner of my boyfriend's old couch. I allow myself the time I need to drift off into thought. My eyes observe the stark contrast of the warm lamplight and the moody spaces of almost-black. I am present in these moments of stillness, far more than I could be during broad daylight in a public place. This is how I can connect with myself. I generally feel trapped within the confounds of my own whirling mind and not enlightened in the least. I desperately want to find a way to live day in and day out celebrating my mind and not sheltering it. I just have to find a way to do it intellegently and without fail. Tonight, as I lie in bed, I will cleanse myself of burden and negative energy. I will wake in the morning and consciously foresee the productive day ahead and the reward of a peaceful evening of writing. My journey is just beginning. I will keep moving ahead in every way and I will not look back.